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Long time [05 Aug 2001|09:42pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Well its been a while since I last updated my lj. A lot has happened. I went to camp and had a great time there. I met a lot of fun people and I rededicated my life to Christ. I know that a few of my friends don't get the concept but they are still my good friends and I wont ever give them up. I found out that David is a very easily influenced person. He dumped me for two reasons, one saying that I liked him more than he could like me, which wasn't even true. Another was because he thinks that Christians aren't supose to be best friends with unbelievers. With that one I think that his friend Tim had something to do with that. Cause there is no where in the Bible that says you may not be best friends with unbelievers. You are supose to love each other and take on their burdens as your own so that you can be there for them and help them. I challenged him so hopfully he will think about it. He is really giving Christians a bad name right now. I haope all of my friends no that I would never choose a guy over them, he hasn't been with me through all of the crap that I have delt with in my life. My friends have. I love my friends with the greatest love that I can. Who else will tell me when I am being a b*#$@? LOL. I LOVE YOU GUYS! Guys come and go but FRIENDS are FOREVER!

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so weird [19 Jul 2001|05:03pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

I just found out that my friend Sandra's neighbor owns J and R talent. That was the place that I was planning on going to, to start my acting career. She said she was going to try to talk with her neighbor and see what they would say. Maybe I will be able to get an interview!!! That would be the coolest thing ever!!! Well I will have to wait and see.

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A chance maybe.... [16 Jul 2001|11:17pm]
[ mood | sorry ]

I guess I will talk to Daivd about what happened and maybe I can see what I can do about the situation. I mean I undertand that he hasn't well really talked to a gay person before but I don't apreciate what he said. I know that it must have hurt Brian so bad and just reading about it hurt me. I am so sorry Brian, you know that I would never let a guy come between out friendship right? You know that I love you. Ana

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why is life such a bitch? [16 Jul 2001|11:07pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

Why is life such a bitch? I mean things will start out ok, fine and dandy, but then something happens and everything is just SHIT! My day started out ok. I mean I slept forever, kinda catching up since i hadn't had much sleep lately. I played SIMS on my really slow computer. Watched Passions which I think is one of the funniest soap opera's on television. I babysat at like 5:15 untill about 7:45. When I came home is when everything went in the crapper.

I played SIMS some more and then I wanted to see if my dad had come back from the computer guys house with the "family" computer cause I wanted to go on the internet to check my mail and see if Daivd was online. Well the computer was back but my dad was on it so I decided to spend a little time working on my afgahn since I hadn't in the longest time. Well anyways, I go on the internet and checked my mail, loged in the word of the day at star987 and then wrote David an e-mail saying how much fun I had with him and how I liked that fact I could talk to him like one of my best friends. I was happy because I thought that Brian and David got along really well. But then I went to go see what Brian had written for today on his live journal. I was extremely curious about what he had written the other night because he seemes upset, but He wanted it to be private so I did the better thing and left it. I read his most recent entry though because he didn't say he didn't want anyone too. I was sadened to find that something had to have happened when Brian was talking to David the other night because he wasn't sure if wanted to have fun with us if he went anywhere with Davi involved. I am so sad right now. I was upset earlier because my brother was yelling at me because of the computer, which yes made me cry. And now I am more upset because Brian may not be able to stay in the same room as David. I wish I knew what was wrong so maybe I could help it out or something, but I have been know to ruin stuff when trying to fix them. But this is tearing me up inside because theres a problem and I don't even knw what it is or why Brian is not going to be thrilled with seeing David. I thought maybe I had found someone that not only liked me, but my best friend as well. I hope this has nothing to do with Brian being gay because then that would just upset me. I don't understand why some people are afraid of gay people. I guess its the way their brought up, then its their parents who had the problem and passed it to their children. Hope fully I can do something but for now I guess I can only wait to see if someone wants to tell me what happened.

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I TOLD HIM! [15 Jul 2001|12:04am]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

Well I finally got the nerve to actually tell David that I like him more than just a friend. I was freaking out so much. I didn't know exactly how he would react but I just felt like I should tell him tonight. So I did....and well it turns out that he likes me as well. My heart is still beating so freaking fast. He wants to just kinda stay like friends for right now, because it just kinda landed on him...lol!!!! But thats fine with me. I just can't believe that he knows now. Well I am going to the beach with him and his friends tomorrow and well it should be really fun. bye bye

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"No Matter what I do, no matter where I go, I just can't get you off my mind."-song from Boys & Girl [12 Jul 2001|10:10pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

I just can't get the thought of David out of my mind. I saw him today and well I looked like crap! But man was it great to see him. My heart was pounding and I love to look into his eyes. He would be the greatest guy to go out with but he doesn't even know that I like him. I don't think I could ever tell him. Amber is making me nervous by telling me that shes going to tell David I like him. I don't know what I would do if she did. This is driving me crazy, I love the thought of him in my mind but the fact that I can't tell him just makes me go insane.

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Do you ever..... [11 Jul 2001|10:06pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

Do you ever feel like people are doing things just to piss you off or make you cry? Well thats how I felt when I went and read Shawnna's lj. I guess its trying to tell me that shes moved on and could care less about me and Brian. Well I can't say that it doesn't hurt cause I would be lying. Its REALLY hard to move on from things. I miss the stuff we used to do. But I guess this is the way its going to be...if you don't mind I think I am going to cry. I hope Shawnna is satisfied.

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HAPPY ANA! [10 Jul 2001|10:53pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Man I am so full of energy right now. I went out with Amber, Bret, DAVID!!!, Heather and Conrad. I have been waiting for sooo long to see David in person, and all I have to say is that it was worth the wait. Hes not drop dead gorgeous, but looks are so not everything. Hes cute, got a great personality and hummer!! I don't know what exactly he thinks of me, but I like he A LOT! We went out to dinner at Chili's, then we took David to Ontario Mills. He was so surprised at how big it was, I thought that it was funny. We didn't even get all the way around the mall. LOL. Then we took him to Starbucks, he liked it. I knew he would. I had the best time tonight and to make things better I bought my guitar strap tonight and next week I get my guitar! Well I am going to go for now, bye!!

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something for Brian [06 Jul 2001|09:45pm]
Hey Brian I am having trouble posting things so I hope you read this.Brian,
I feel that what you choose to do is your decision. I know that people are going to say to me "Well you can't really say anything on the subject because Brian is still talking to you." But I also know what it feels like to be in your posision. There have been so many times where people would just go out and do something without me, not even bothering to call to see if I wanted to go or anything, well I have spent many a night just sitting in my room listening to music and crying. Where do they think I came up with all of those depressing poems? This is a situation where you don't want to choose a side but its gonna happen. This is just a thought but I think you side with the person you most relate to. I don't think its right that they left you, I'm sorry I haven't called you in a few days, I have to supervise Amber's dates, lol, she can't go on them by herself because of her parents. I hope that with time this little thing will be getting better, but for now, everyone has to let everyone make their own decisions without butting in.
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ALL NEW! [01 Jul 2001|07:40pm]
[ mood | content ]

I am totally not feeling upset anymore. I have realized that when you try too hard to fix things that the stuff getting fixed can get worse, but thats apart of life. I am happy hanging out with my friends, the ones that really care about me! Other people are going to try to pull me down into despare but I have people who love me to back me up. :)

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